my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
