Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
