I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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