I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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