I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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