Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
