these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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