The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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