my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
