Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am available for nakedness
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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