Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
