the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
