It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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