I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
