just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are we still banned from the library?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
