apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
