Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
