Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
