I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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