Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
