I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
