I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
