he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
