So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
