i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
nutella sex= disaster
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My feet surprised me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
