There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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