I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
