and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
