Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
