R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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