Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
