from now on my penis is your penis
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't put those talents on a resume
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
