I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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