Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This is not my ceiling
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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