my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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