Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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