I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
