yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
