I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
