i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
