I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
