yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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