You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
