I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
