Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
