Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
