I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize