woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
