Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
