omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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