I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
