I feel great
I just peed on a car
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
