I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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