I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
