she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
