"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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