so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
