Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
