none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
