I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
