Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
