come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
