TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
