so that wasnt chicken after all
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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