If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
