I think I won the penis lottery.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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