That's intense
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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