I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I could fuck to npr.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
