We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
