Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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