dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
