i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
