i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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