it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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