i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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