Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
