She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize