I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
