Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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