Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
