so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
